Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween


(photo by Tara Shannon)

For your Halloween pleasure, a re-post from September 5, 2007:

The Chair

I found it in the back of an antique store on Newport Avenue in Ocean Beach. It was a rocking chair but not like anyone I had ever seen before. It was so un-rocking-chair-like that at first I did not even notice it was a rocking chair. It was unique enough for me to take a closer look at it. What it looked like was a church pew or a high backed bench that had been cut down and then put on runners. It was small but at the same time very massive looking. It was made out of oak and very heavy. The tag on it said it was at least 150 years old. It was too weird looking for me so I did not sit in it.

Right next to it sat an old Morris chair that had recently been re-upholstered in a light knobby tweed fabric. I sat in it and knew instantly that I wanted it. Although the fabric was wrong for the piece I knew that small problem could be easily fixed. I looked at the price tag and my dream of owning it vanished as quickly as a puff of smoke. No way I could afford that price.

I walked away but could not get either chair out of my mind so when I found my sister I took her back to look at them. She sat in the rocking chair and I again sat in the Morris chair. About 10 seconds later she got up from the rocking chair and told me to sit in it and walked away. I sat down and immediately felt anger and "heard" someone repeatedly say, "Get out of my chair."

The voice was very querulous and insistent. I looked at my sister, screwed up my face, hunched my back, and started rocking furiously, mocking whoever was talking to me. I was annoyed by the fact that this spirit was telling me to get out of its chair and thought, "It isn't your chair anymore. You're dead."

I sat in the chair longer than I really wanted in order to show the spirit that it was not going to push me around and then got up and walked over to where my sister was looking at some object saying, "Well, that was creepy."

Her head spun around to look at me and she blurted out, "That's what I thought!"

She had also felt the spirit and wanted to see if what she felt was real so she asked me to sit in the chair without saying anything about her own experience. I then told her to sit in the Morris chair so she could see how a nice chair felt. We took turns sitting in the Morris chair and agreed that the Morris chair was comfortable and felt soothing. It felt nothing like the rocking chair. It took a long time for me to shake off the icky feeling of that rocking chair but after awhile I felt normal again but at the same time I felt uncomfortable and could not stop thinking about the chair.

Flash forward to Denver a couple of days after we had returned from San Diego. My husband and I were at my sister's house. It was nighttime and I was in the middle of a dream. I had variations of this dream for three or four days by this time and had attributed them to the emotional stress I was under. My sister was in the dream with me and we were both being tortured. There was a man in the dream who was holding me and, as I struggled to get away from him, told me if I did not stop he would cut my sister's throat. Standing across from me was the same man with a knife to my sister's throat. As I continued to struggle desperately to get away from the him and over to my sister, the other him slashed the knife across my sister's neck. I woke up thinking, "That wasn't my dream."

Whenever I have a nightmare I wake up with my heart pounding and my mind racing from the adrenaline rush that the dream has created . It takes a few minutes for my body and mind to disconnect from what has happened. For me, coming to full consciousness after a nightmare is like struggling to the surface of a swimming pool after you have stayed under too long. These dreams were not like that since I would wake up instantly. I felt no fear only a sense of uneasiness. I also noticed that instead of being inside the dream, like I normally am, I felt I was off to the side watching. Then there was the color in the dreams. I dream in Technicolor, bright, rich, intense colors. Colors that look as if they would stain your hands if you tried to touch them. These dreams were also in color but they were more like the color of 1970's era T.V situation comedy- subdued and almost washed out.

That is when I wondered if the spirit from the chair had attached itself to me and was punishing me for mocking it. That thought creeped me out and, just in case this was true, I mentally spoke to the spirit telling it to stop the dreams and to go away. I then said a prayer that I had learned as a little girl:

Angel of God,
My Guardian Dear
To whom God's love commits me here.

Ever this night be at my side
To light and guard
To rule and guide.
Amen.



I still felt uneasy and decided to do a meditation that would help me to surround myself in a ball of white light. After I did this I expanded the light to include my husband, then expanded it again to fill the room we were in. I then decided to fill my sister's whole house with light as not to leave the spirit there after we had gone home. I mentally went from room to room filling the house with light. When I was finished I felt safe and relaxed enough to fall back to sleep.

Since that night I have not had anymore torture dreams.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Music Is The Soundtrack Of Your Life

Film makers know this and use it as a quick way to set time and place in their movies. Some songs make you smile when you hear them again, as they remind you of a happy time in your life, others bring sadness, as they remind you of something else. For me, the Dixie Cups' hit song Chapel of Love was connected with the time my siblings and I spent in a foster home. The women who ran it had a granddaughter who visited one day and kept singing this song over and over while she played in her grandmother's backyard. It took me years to get over the negative feelings that this song brought up in me.



Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel of love

Spring is here
The sky is blue
(whoa-whoa-whoa)
Birds all sing
As if they knew
Today's the day
We'll say I do
And we'll never be lonely anymore

Because we're

Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel of love

Bells will ring
The sun will shine
(whoa-whoa-whoa)
I'll be his and
He'll be mine
We'll love until
The end of time
And we'll never be lonely anymore

Because we're

Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel of love
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Goin' to the chapel of love
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Goin' to the chapel of love
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)



One song that I don't think I will ever get over is Maria Muldaur's Midnight at the Oasis. It is the song that I connect with my first love affair. One that, with my help, ended badly. When I found this YouTube clip and listened to it the old feelings of sadness, panic, and unhappiness surfaced.



Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows paintin' our faces
Traces of romance in our heads

Heaven's holdin' a half-moon
Shinin' just for us
Let's slip off to a sand dune, real soon
And kick up a little dust

Come on, Cactus is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on, 'til the evenin' ends
'Til the evenin' ends

You don't have to answer
There's no need to speak
I'll be your belly dancer, prancer
And you can be my sheik

[Instrumental Interlude]

I know your Daddy's a sultan
A nomad known to all
With fifty girls to attend him, they all send him
Jump at his beck and call

But you won't need no harem, honey
When I'm by your side
And you won't need no camel, no no
When I take you for a ride

Come on, Cactus is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on, 'til the evenin' ends
'Til the evenin' ends

Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Got shadows paintin' our faces
And traces of romance in our heads

Oh, come on...



There are two songs that I connect with my father, Bruce Springsteen's Hungry Heart and BR5 49's Lifetime to Prove. Both are the story of his life. Change the first line of Hungry Heart to, "Got a wife and kids in Denver town, Jack, I went out for a ride and I never went back," and it's his story.



Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back
Like a river that don't know where it's flowing
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart

I met her in a Kingstown bar
We fell in love I knew it had to end
We took what we had and we ripped it apart
Now here I am down in Kingstown again

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart

Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don't make no difference what nobody says
Ain't nobody like to be alone

Everybody's got a hungry heart
Everybody's got a hungry heart
Lay down your money and you play your part
Everybody's got a hungry heart


I could not find a clip of BR5 49 singing Lifetime to Prove but here are the lyrics:

My pockets are empty though my wife has sent me
To the store for some cigarettes and bread
I started walking there got as far as the square
Then the smell of beer went to my head
The thing about beer it can make a man hear
Voices from days long since past
And with every third drink it'll make you think
That your youth will always last
No matter which way you move, it takes a lifetime to prove
To yourself I could have been more
I got one foot in the door I just want one more

I thought of a time when my future was mine
It didn't matter what anyone said
I was handsome and strong and when I walked along
I stood erect and looked straight ahead
But then I lost my fight, "goin' to" turned to "might"
Somewhere along the line I lost my will
And now I'm sittin' here my life full of beer
And I try to pretend it's not real
No matter which way you move, it takes a lifetime to prove
To yourself I have been before
I got one foot in the door I just want one more

These days I barely survive on lot number five
In the mobile acres on the eastside of town
I swore this kind of life I'd never lead
I guess I let too many things get me down
If my pappy could see what they done to me
I swear he'd march down there and make it all right
But he's long since gone and I'm old enough now
I should be able to fight my own fight
No matter which way you move, it takes a lifetime to prove
To yourself I could have been more
I got one foot in the door I just want one more


My dad to a T, a man who's life was full of beer and who always blamed others for his problems.


As for my mother, when I first heard the song Easy to be Hard
from the musical Hair these lyrics jumped out at me:

Especially people who care about strangers
Who care about evil and social injustice
Do you only care about bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend, I need a friend


And I thought about my mother. She was out fighting social injustice and our lives were in chaos. How could she care about others more than us? I'm still pondering that question.



How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings
You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

Especially people
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people be so heartless
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to give in
Easy to help out

Especially people
Who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be hard
Easy to help out
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no


As I listen to or think about these songs again, I can see I have moved on as they no longer bring up sad feelings for me. I will always connect these songs with certain places and people but I can now enjoy them without the extra baggage I once attached to them....well, except for Midnight at the Oasis, that one I am still working on.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Not In The Mood To Post Today

But I did find something of interest at The New York Times website, Going Offline in Search of Freedom.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Why There Are Not That Many Photos Of Little Sally Pumpkinhead Here

Tasmanian Devil 1


Tasmanian Devil 2


Almost there


Good dog

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends?



Looks like they can. This was taken a few days before Duke's Big Adventure. Duke is eating his chewy and Little Sally Pumpkinhead is helping. A big change from the first day when Duke growled and snapped at Little Sally Pumpkinhead for getting to close to his food.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

What Is More Time Consuming That A New Puppy?

A new puppy and an old puppy that has been bit by a snake. Duke is home and his snout is almost back to normal. We will have a hard time keeping him quiet for the next 5 days as required by his vet. This morning he decided I and Little Sally Pumpkinhead were having too much fun playing together and joined in. He grabbed the squeaky toy Little Sally Pumpkinhead was chasing and walked around with it in his mouth chomping and making it repeatedly squeak. Little Sally Pumpkinhead loved this new game and so did Duke as his tale was wagging the whole time.

Below is a photo of Duke showing his nose yesterday afternoon. If you look closely you can see that it is still swollen. If you look more closely you can see the magic marker lines the Vet drew on his face to outline the edge of the snake bit reaction when he first saw Duke. If you look even more closely you can see that there is a mark between his eyes which shows how far the swelling extended up his face before the meds kicked in. Remember those books for children which had distorted photos of puppies in them that made their snouts look huge and way out of proportion to the rest of their bodies? Well that is how Duke looked for awhile. Although he looks almost normal he is still sick, moving slowly and mostly sleeping. By the end of five days I know he will be back to his old self and we will have a hard time containing him.



Oh, when I went to pick up Duke the vet tech told me he had been a sweetheart. I smiled because Duke is always a sweetheart and makes friends wherever he goes.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Snake Bit

We were running the dogs at the cemetery last night when Duke trotted up to us looking embarrassed. He must have put his nose into a rabbit hole that contained a rattlesnake because he also had a puncture wound and a bloody scrap on his snout. By the time we got him back to the truck he was in pain. When my husband got him to the vet clinic they gave him a shot of morphine and some antibiotics. They also put him on a saline drip . He spent the night there and this morning they will call and let us know when to pick him up.

The vet told my husband that Duke being bit on the snout, along with being bit before and having had the rattlesnake vaccine administered, would actually be helpful to him. For some reason getting bit on the nose is less dangerous than getting bit anywhere else on a dog's body. He also told my husband that he has been treating a lot of cattle and calves who have been bit on the snout by snakes since the weather got warmer.* The warmer weather has caused the snakes to wake up and they do not like to be awakened once they begin hibernating. They wake up angry and this anger makes them lash out at anything or anyone who comes near them. Until the weather get cold again our evening walks will be restricted to the town streets.

Poor Duke. I hate that this has happened.

Update (10:09 AM):
We heard from the vet clinic and they say Duke is doing well. He will be staying with them for another night since their policy is to keep animals who have been bitten by snakes for at least 24 hours. His snout is still very swollen but he is resting comfortably.


Update (6:40 PM):
Talked to the doctor again and he said Duke ate some food and the swelling of his snout has gone down. He has dropped his pain meds and stopped the IV fluids. We will bring him home tomorrow afternoon.



*It was in the high 80's (F)/ 20's(C) on Sunday.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Failure Is An Option

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.
-Barack Obama

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Weekend Update

Word for the week: Tired. A puppy changes everything.

At home this week- Little Sally Pumpkinhead is sleeping through the night, has grown a bit, and is getting along with Duke. Correction, Duke no longer thinks she is a pain and allows her to get near him for short periods of time.

At the library this week- We finished cataloging juvenile nonfiction and have started on easy juvenile fiction. Things are moving faster than we expected but it is still tedious work.

At the dentist this week- I spent over two hours getting stage two of my new bridge work completed. Right now I have temporary teeth in my mouth that are a couple of steps above the edible wax teeth I used to get as a child. I am so looking forward to the end of this process.

At my blog today- More photos of Little Sally Pumpkinhead.



Sleepy baby 1




Sleepy baby 2




In the Slammer. Crime: Peeing on kitchen floor twice and on the living room carpet once.



Where Duke likes Little Sally Pumpkinhead to be. He was outside with her most of the day yesterday and could not nap because he wasn't sure just when she was going to jump on him. With her safely behind bars he can sleep.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Here Rests A Woodman Of The World

This distinct marker representing a tree stump is used to mark the graves of men who were Woodmen of the World, a "fraternal benefit society" created in 1883 that provided life insurance for its members. The Latin words written on the marker say Though silent,he speaks.

As the last photo shows there was a woman's branch of WOW known as Women of Woodcraft. They evidently did not get to use the tree stump as their grave marker. They do have a broken circle surrounding a broken tree with a dove perched on it carved into their markers though.







Thursday, October 15, 2009

Graveyard Mystery



I found this child's cowboy boot stuck on the end of a stick lying on the ground near some sort of round plastic marker. Was this small boot being used as a grave marker until money could be found to buy a stone one? If so, who does it belong to and why is it on the ground? Whatever the reason for it being there, I found it disturbing and felt compelled to take a photo of it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Monday, October 12, 2009

If Tears Could Build A Stairway

And memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to Heaven
To bring you home again.

-Unknown





Sunday, October 11, 2009

She's Here!

Ten weeks old-cute as all get out.





And very active, as the below photos show. It was hard keeping her in frame.



Friday, October 09, 2009

Fencing In The Dead 5

Of magic doors, there is this: You do not see them, even as you are passing through.
-Unknown






Thursday, October 08, 2009

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Fencing In The Dead 2

The variety in fence design and style was interesting.




Monday, October 05, 2009

Fencing In The Dead



It seems to be a human nature to mark one's territory. At Hot Sulfur Springs cemetery I was struck by the different types of fencing that had been used to outline family plots. The older the grave stones the more ornate the fencing.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Weekend Update

This has been a long week. I am happy to report that Friday we finished cataloging the adult nonfiction books in our town library and we start cataloging juvenile nonfiction on Monday.

I am unhappy to report that I was ill for three days with a stomach virus that has been making its way through our local population. This did give me a chance to watch the Milestone Film & Video edition of Phantom of the Opera (1925).

This two disc collection includes both the 1925 silent film and the 1929 sound re-release. Both have their merits. No, they don't. The 1929 release is terrible with the story butchered, new sound sequences filmed to replace some of the original silent scenes, and new badly written dialogue dubbed over other scenes. Maybe I am being harsh, the 1929 version is better looking than the 1925 version and it does have a few of the original technicolor scenes.

Naah, I don't care how good it looks, it's still a butcher job done by people with no feeling for storytelling.

Below is a photo of actor Lon Chaney Sr. as The Phantom of the Opera. I am sure he does not look that scary to you but to my slightly feverish mind he was very creepy.



Now, let us flash forward two days to me back in the library cataloging books. We have a very good collection of books about Kansas history including privately published memoirs, pamphlets and booklets. Some of these I would flip through as I worked stopping to look at the photos and maps I found inside. One booklet, titled TEEPEES TO SODDIES:Southwestern Nebraska and Thereabouts, had this page of photos:



The second I saw that photo of Jake Haigler, 3 Bar Ranch, I fervently wished I had never opened the book. I did not know you could take photos in hell. This face, I knew, would replace Lon Chaney's Phantom in my nightmares. Yikes!

Friday, October 02, 2009

Boot Hill



Made my way up to the Hot Sulfur Springs cemetery one cloudy afternoon and wandered around taking photos. Monday I will start posting photos of what I found there.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

New Photo Of Little Sally Pumpkinhead


She is eight weeks old now and looking cuter than ever.