Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Blinded By The Light

It had been a busy week and by last Sunday afternoon I was done. I lay down on the futon couch in the basement aching for sleep. I knew I was exhausted and the instant my body felt the firmness of the futon it seemed to sigh in relieve. I laid there with my eyes closed enjoying the relaxation I felt as the strain on the muscles that helped me keep upright diminished. As my body relaxed so did my mind and I lay there letting my thoughts drift while unconsciously focusing on the sound of my breathing. Then, BAM!, my mind was flooded with a bright light.

My instinct was telling me to open my eyes but I ignored it as the light filled every crevice of my brain. This wasn't the first time the light had filled my head, I've called the light when meditating and I've had the light appear to me as a child whenever I had my eyes screwed tightly shut in fear. I struggled for a few moments with the desire to open my eyes because the light felt blinding and I wanted to get away from it but then I realized that I did not have to open my eyes because "they" were already open. I lay there feeling the weight of my eyelids over my eyeballs as the light got brighter still and started expanding outward. The light felt soothing, and comforting, and loving, and I wanted to drift in it forever.

Then, moments, seconds, minutes, later the light started to dim and I quietly lay there as it slowly vanished. After it was gone I wanted to open my eyes but I was afraid if I did so I would find that the light came from a source inside the room or from outside the house. Finally, I opened my eyes and saw that the room was half dark with the window curtains pulled tight against the outside light. I sat up and felt as refreshed as if I had slept for hours.

Now I wonder why the light came to me at all. Was it to comfort me in some way? Was it to protect me for some reason? To heal me, to prepare me, to give me strength? Only time will tell.

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