September 2001
Week two

On Tuesday September 11th the world as we know it is put on permanent hold. As I sit in front of the TV watching the World Trade Center collapse I think of what Malcolm X said when President Kennedy was murdered, "The chickens have come home to roost." I have no idea why I think of this; the phrase just pops into my head. My husband is out hunting at the time and when he comes home a half hour later I ask him if had heard what had happened. He says no and I choke out the words, "The World Trade Center is gone", and start crying. None of it seems real until I say the words out loud. I then call my mother and ask her if this was what Pearl Harbor was like. She hesitates and then understanding that I was asking if she had felt disconnected, shocked, stunned, and angry, replies firmly, "Yes!". Like the rest of the country, my husband and I sit in front of the TV, numb, as the events of the week unfold.

I have never thought of myself as patriotic in a flag waving "My country, right or wrong" sense. I think that for some people patriotism is a cheap sentiment that they use to wrap their hatred in. My sister in Denver lives near a mosque and she tells me that the day after the bombings a lot of "patriotic" people waving the American flag had gathered outside the temple to shout obscenities and racial epithets at the Muslim worshipers entering. She also tells me about a woman she heard on a radio talk show who complained that when she went to put a small American flag on a coworker's desk, (something she thought everyone in her office should have on their desk) the coworker told her she did not want one. The woman calling the station was outraged and thought that her coworker should be made to have a flag on her desk and that her not wanting one was unpatriotic. What is wrong with some people?

On Saturday the 15th I call United to change my flight tickets and am rebooked to leave on the 19th. I express my sympathy for the people they have lost, thank the woman for helping me and ask how other passengers are reacting. She says everyone who calls responses the same way I have; with patience, sympathy and understanding. When I tell people I have rebooked my trip and would be leaving next week, some are worried and think I should cancel the whole thing. My mother is very worried but accepts my decision. She suggests that I sew a small American flag on my backpack. I ask her if maybe I should just sew a bull's-eye on it instead. She laughs and admits that maybe it wasn't a good idea. I talk to my friend Gino, who lives in New York state and works in the city. His feelings about what has happened are a lot stronger than mine since it occurred in his own back yard. He does not think I should go at all- it's just to dangerous for Americans overseas. I ask him if he is not the man who has a generator and about 2,000 bottles of water sitting in his basement; left over from Y2K. He admits this is true but still does not think my going is a good idea. I'm worried a little about going too, but think that right now is probably the safest time to fly.