Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.
-Christina Baldwin

The week before I took my time-out my husband left for Pagosa Springs, Colorado to spend time with his father. I spent the next seven days watching every episode of Upstairs Downstairs. Let me tell you, when you watch the whole series in that time frame you are relieved when whinny-butt James kills himself at the end. I mean, could there be a more self involved character in the history of television?

Unfortunately, this distraction did not cure the feelings of depression and loneliness brought on by Emma's death and my husband's departure. Then in the middle of that week my husband called and said he had found a dog. I knew he had been checking with breeders but I thought there would not be any puppies available until late May or early June. Now he was telling me that we could get a dog the following week. I started crying and said it sounded like he wanted to replace Emma with another dog as quickly as possible. I felt that by getting a dog so soon we were betraying Emma. He then said something that erased my fears; we were not replacing Emma, nothing could replace Emma, we were just getting another dog.

The dog he had found was a 10-month-old male who's owner had died in February. Soon after she died her husband had given the dog to a friend but for some reason the friend could not keep him and had returned him to the first owner's husband. I wasn't sure I wanted a male but this dog was small, only weighed 30 pounds, was very loving, and had a great personality. As we talked about him my husband and I agreed it would be easier on Kate if we got an older dog. She had been showing signs of depression and loneliness too and we knew another dog would help her but we were not sure if she could handle a puppy at her age. May be this was the dog for us.

In the end we decided to get him and on Tuesday March 29th he flew into Denver and we picked him up at Alaska Air cargo. When I first looked into the shipping kennel I saw, just for a second, Emma looking back at me. When we opened the crate door and let him out he quickly crawled into my husband's lap and huddled there searching for comfort and safety. At that moment I knew we had done the right thing and that Emma would understand. He needs us and we need him.


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