Who's Calling?

Last week I found out that I have been living in a small town too long.

On Friday my husband left on a trip to Phoenix, AZ for a French Britteny field trial. That left me home alone with the dogs for the weekend. Early Saturday morning the phone rang. I got out of bed to answered it. A man's voice said, "This is Ted Hewitt, may I speak to your husband?"

I have answered these kinds of phone calls from the old men in town many times. They call to get my husband's help with their computers, appliances, and electric tools. A lot of the time when they call they ask for "my husband" instead of asking for him by name. They also don't seen to notice the time when they call and in my sleepy state I did not think it was strange that one of them would be calling at 2:30 in the morning. I replied, "He's not here."

A shot of adrenaline exploded in my brain as I realized I had just told someone I did not know that my husband wasn't home. I quickly said, "I'm mean, he can't come to the phone right now." Which was just as stupid. The voice asked, "He can't come to the phone?" and followed up with an obscene remark. Then he hung up.

At this point I freaked out. That call sounded like it came from a cell phone. What if he was somewhere outside the house? I was paralyzed by fear. My first thought was to go to the basement and get my shotgun out of the gun safe but at the same time I was afraid to walk downstairs. What if he was already in the house? What if he was in the basement? My need to do something to protect myself overrode my fear that he may be in the house. I walked downstairs and opened the gun safe and took out my shotgun and a few shells. Just the action of walking to the basement calmed me down. I walked back upstairs and into my bedroom and leaned the shotgun against the wall beside the bed. Still freaked out, I got back into bed, picked up a book, and started reading.

An hour later I was still reading when the dogs decided they needed to go outside. I was hesitant about letting them out but at the same time felt I was being a little foolish so I went and unlocked the front door and pulled it open. The shrill ring of the phone made me jump as another bolt of fear shot through me. He is out there! But the dogs weren't barking so I knew no one was around and I walked over to the phone. I could see the words "private caller" in the window of the handset. I knew it was him again and I stood there counting the rings...three...four...five...six- the phone kicked over to record- then silence.

Funny thing, even though I knew it was him I no longer felt any fear. There is some kind of synergy between two people whenever they talk on a phone. A obscene caller feeds on that synergy. If I did not answer the phone he could not get what he needed, my fear. My not answering the phone gave me back some semblance of control. Control lessened my fear. I let the dogs back in and went back to bed. By this time I was emotionally exhausted and no longer able to fight the weariness that was overtaking my body. I slept fitfully until daybreak.

All day Saturday I brooded about what had happened and worried he would call again that night. I kept my anxiety under control during the day but once night fell I no longer felt safe. Before I went to bed I carefully checked all the doors and windows to make sure they were locked. I had the dogs with me and that helped. I knew if they heard anything that wasn't normal night noises they would bark furiously. I had the shotgun right next to the bed but after I got into bed I worried that I would not be able to get to it quickly enough if something happened. I leaned over and picked it up and laid it next to me on the bed. I felt a little silly doing this but when I put my hand out and brushed my fingertips across the barrel I instantly felt calmer and more secure. I slept well and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed.

Now, I know that some people reading this may think I was behaving like a hysterical women and overreacting. You are probably men. You do not understand how dangerous the world really is for women. I'll bet you have never had an obscene phone call wake you up in the middle of the night. I'll bet you have never felt unsafe in your own home. I'll bet you don't hesitate to step into an elevator with a man you do not know. I'll bet you aren't filled with anxiety when walking to or from your car at night in a seemingly deserted parking lot or garage. I'll also bet you haven't experienced that same feeling of anxiety while walking home from the bus after dark.

Women are surrounded by the reminders of just how unsafe life is for us everyday. The newspapers are full of stories about violence against women; rapes, assaults, and murders. There are stories about rape used as a weapon in war torn nations . In some societies rape is being used as an instrument of punishment. If you don't watch the news you can see this brutality toward women being played out in the plots of many television shows almost every night.

Maybe I was being hysterical. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I have a reason to do both.