Body Found At Local House

Includes Exclusive Photos Of The Crime Scene
By C. A. Shannon

A SMALL TOWN IN KANSAS- The body of Mr. Nylon Rope Man (Know to his associates as Mr. Chewy) was found dead and lying in a small puddle of water yesterday.

Mr.Chewy is the 6,000th son of the ubiquitous Mr. Nylon Rope Man Sr. to die under suspicious circumstances. Five thousand of Mr. Chewy's brothers have been found ripped or chewed to pieces in places such as Portland, Oregon; Dallas, Texas; Howell, Michigan; Pompano Beach, Florida; and Belleville, New Jersey.

The remaining 1,000 were found with their faces mutilated by forces unknown. All survived what had been done to them but since their mouths were destroyed when they were attacked, not one is able to speak about the horror that was visited upon them.

Below are exclusive Santiago Dreaming photos of the body before and after the police arrived.

At first police treated the death as a homicide due to the mysterious deaths of Mr. Chewy's brothers and the discovery of this startling photo of Mr. Chewy with one Little Sally Pumpkinhead on the day of his death.

When interviewed Ms. Pumpkinhead said (through an interpreter) that Mr. Chewy and she were just playing when the photo was taken. She also stated that she is not sure what happened to Mr. Chewy as she was drawn away from their play when a big truck drove by her house and she went to bark at it. The police held Ms. Pumpkinhead under a charge of suspicion of murder until the results of Mr. Chewy's autopsy revealed he had died by drowning.

Although local District Attorney Merle Deemster did not have enough evidence to charge Ms. Pumpkinhead with murder, he thought he would be able to hold her on a charge of accidental death but stated that unfortunately there was not enough evidence for that charge either and so she was released into the custody of her owners.