Angry Middle Aged White Men

There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust
-St. Francis De Sales, An Introduction To the Devout Life


I came up against two angry middle aged white men at the Rec Center this week and all I can ask is, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The first man was in the steam room on Sunday.  Let me tell you about the stream room before I tell you about what happened. The steam room is small and can almost comfortably seat 10 full grown men.  We had a problem at the beginning of the year with people doing their stretching and other exercises  in there but that was finally stopped in March. 

Sunday I walked into the steam room after swimming and found 3 men sitting on the top of the build-in double tiered tile benches straight across from the door and one man sitting at the end of the top of the benches to the right of the door.   In the corner where the benches met was a middle aged white man standing on the bottom bench doing stretching exercises.  He was doing things like holding his arms out at should level and leaning against the back walls and bending forward with his eyes closed and touching his toes- all while standing on the bench.   The only place for me to sit was between this guy and the man sitting to the right of the door.  This put me close enough to the guy standing up for his hand  to comes close to me whenever he reached his arms out.  I looked at him and said, "You are really not supposed to do exercises in here."

His head snapped around and he glared down at me and said he was doing his stretches. I then said that stretches were not allowed in the steam room either. He walked over to me (still standing on the bench) and put his face right in front of mine- close enough that all I could see were his eyes- and said furiously, "I'm a fitness instructor and a PT instructor and I can do what I want!"

I got up and walked out. After getting dressed I found the Rec Center supervisor and told him what had happened. He seemed to know exactly who I was talking about and said he thought the man I was talking about was sitting in the hot tub and asked if I was willing to come with him to see if this was the same man.  I said yes.  It was the same man and the supervisor said he would talk to him.  I went and sat in the lobby and after a few minutes the supervisor came back and apologized for the man's behavior and asked me to report any other problems I may have with the man.  He also said that he understood that sitting in the steam room was supposed to be a relaxing experience and  again apologized for the man's behavior.  I agreeded that the steam room was supposed to be a relaxing experience and  added that for women having some man looming over them in a small place was disconcerting and could even feel threatening.

Monday night I was back at the Rec Center for my dance class and  I was waiting outside the studio where the class was being held when another middle aged white man, this one wearing a martial arts uniform, walked up to me and asked if the Tia Chi class was going to be in this classroom.  I said no.   He asked if I knew where the Tia Chi class was.  I said no.  He ask what class was being held.  I said a dance class. This upset him.  He asked if the Tia Chi class was going to be in the room with the dance class.  I said no. This upset him more.  He turned around and walked into the studio as the students from the class before were leaving.  I thought he was going to ask the instructor if she knew where his Tia Chi class was but discovered this was not the case when I walked into the room and saw the man standing at the back of the studio doing Tia Chi movements.

I walked across the room to where he was standing, since that was my spot during the dance class, and stood beside him. I figured once the class started and he saw it wasn't his Tia Chi class he would leave.  He did not.  He stayed though out our warms-ups as loud rock and roll played and did his Tia Chi moves.  I was hesitant to speak to him after what happened in the steam room the day before but I knew in a few minutes he was going to be in my way so I spoke up.

"Sir, we are going to be using all space in the room now."

Not looking at me, he turned, yanked his backpack up off the floor, stormed off, and made his way around the back of the room and then out the door.

Two observations.

First, when the man in the steam room overreacted and  stood looming over me with his face inches from my face I was shocked.  Shocked because this was the kind of thing my father would do.  Then I was surprised to find I felt no fear.  In fact, I was thinking about the best way to hurt him if he dared to touch me.  I felt totally in control and left because I knew breaking off contact and walking away was the best way to handle this. 

Second,  I was more worried about speaking to the second man because of the first man but knew I was done being afraid to speak up for myself when dealing with angry men who think they had the right to vent their anger any time they wanted to without consequences.

I guess what I am saying is that I am through with putting up with bullies.